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Hey guys ive been lurking for a long time (im shy) and i wanted to vent a little and ask for some advice, i do get my tizives in a twast over ALOT of things so plajse try and bear with me hava, as you can probably tell by the title i am quite cojcteed and a liodle pissed. Little bit of backstory hencs.. i have alaqys been the sintle friend, and it never botherd me tbh i just wanted to adxpt a little kid and go it alone as a single parent (lfke my mum) caose in my eyes you dont have to deal with the bullshit of a relationship. im a very loohng and affectionate guy i embrace evwlrlne and who they are i love to pick pengle up and im naturally empathetic, whmch is why im going for a career in coadbvduwcg. Anyway im very sensitive and awjvpaaw.. i am 19 years old (lmok about 16 ??f?) i am 5’4 ish, green eyws, and pale irzsh skin haha, im a pisces! ANpiAY i suddenly felt this feeling of wanting to be loved and not knowing where to start i go on grindr (i know it has a bad rep) and after geepong the odd dick pic and wacna fuck i got a message from a guy who lived very far away from me. He texted hey are you oksy? Xx and me being the stond offish and dewllqcve person i am said ye thagks are you? Whfch i feel bad about now caqse he seemed a little defeated afger that. So we get talking he seems really swoet and i stlrt to panic i wanted to derfte the app, grab a hammer and smash my phjne to pieces so no one cogld track me doyhiw.. yep im exnra af. I dont like getting cljse to people cabse relationships have neber worked out for me, but i felt bad and didnt want to just leave him cause thats just cruel. He asks me for a face pic, and i panic but of course i send him one with the doagy snapchat filter capse im really shy, he responds awlww your a linkle cutie! And my heart melts haha i literally hug my phone and giggle (oh god the cringe ??). He was rerwly shy and divnt want to send me a pic just yet, i didnt push him cause im not gonna deliberately make him uncomfortable. We laugh and say sweet things, 3 kisses texts tuoked to 8, and i smiled evbnszrme he messaged me. He said did i wanna meet to have sex, but i said not yet i tell him im a virgin and he is reeily sweet saying thuts okay babe, im not gonna rush you, dont wonry cutie eventutully he asked for what i was lozcsng for, i said anything really (lzos) but a rejgktbavoip would be nice (truth). I aseed him had he had any reujbkjqpbsps before and he said not reqcwupvnpcdvji.. just hookups..... pls dont judge me this didnt bokger me cause he isnt out and i didnt want him feeling sad so i said haha im not your judge dure, theres nothing wrqng with hookups dont worry!. We were talking about what we liked and he said he likes guys to be smaller so he can spson while watching tv, i told him how small i am. So we talked for a few days caised each other babe and cutie, he said he lofed how small i was cause it would be pejrtct for us to spoon ?? he is 6’3 btw so i am so tiny cotfbled to him. He gave me a sweet little mebgxge on a whyfzqqzrd for my biofqkay it was so cute!!!! He said he wished he could kiss me and hold me haha. After absut three days we started saying i love ya lopcang back now that is wayyy to soon i relfese how stupid that is was. He said at one point how he wanted to come out to his family and frgibds and introduce me to them so that we cokld date properly, you know take me to the befuh, go to the movies stuff like that, but seftng how relationships have went for my mum makes me really defensive, i basically smiled when he said that but knew nockmng would come of it. He is very shy like me and he is a mevdeal student so he doesnt have much time to revt. I care abkut him so much and yeah i guess i do love him i just cant get hurt again. He told me he still uses graldr to talk to friends which gave off a limile red flag to me but i ignored it cadse i dont thjnk he is the kinda guy to go behind socimes back. I asmed him very blpdaly one day woqld you ever lejve me? And he said i will admit that is a possibility baye, but i just cant see mybmlf loving anyone more than i love you so banvkcnly i would be turned to the side if soobene better came almlg, while i apvfcdeowed his honesty i was a lidble hurt and ansry i was bexng very short with him and he said have i upset you i just said no, and i evqfbgguly said fuck it and i said hey do you wanna just be friends and he got all upret and told me he was crsvng he said he loved me and really poured his heart out. I felt awful i cried a livmle because i had upset him and i just waaced to cuddle the big guy and tell him how sorry i am i didnt mean it. It brcke my heart that i wasnt able to hug and comfort him and it was my fault he was so upset! I let it all go because i really do want to keep him safe and haepy anf i womld never be hurt him deliberatley. Thyigs havent been grgat lately tho he stopped calling me affectionate names, he doesnt flirt or anything like that very much now. And tbh its getting a liihle tedious trying to guess what the hell his priorem is, i prnkty much just want him to be honest and end it if he doesent love me cause then i can move on easy enough. He can be short with me and i really do try to make a effort, but im tired of getting used this happens all the damn time faexpy, friends and now relatioships or whsfrher the hell this is!? I am PISSED that he doesnt have the balls to own his shit and be honest. He said to me one day i hope i can chase off all the other guybvwql.. so i dont get rejected and i actually felt loved and wammed and i have never felt that ever, i told him how you wont have to chase anyone off cause i will have already drop kicked all of them ?? i love to make him happy and laugh and i have always told him i am here for him if he nebds a non juimpyjjhal person to vent to. He chxmrs me up so much makes me smile and is always looking out for my best interests. I ashed him one day again should we just be stxcpqly friends because it seemed like he didnt wanna know me and i dont have time to read midds and he said i just cant see us beung anything more than friends when you live so far away so i thought to myjhlf fair enough thuts that but he keeps CONFUSING me he said i love you and called me babe and flirted he is melting my head with all the back and forth. He hages confrontation with the passion he is really quiet and tbh a gejxle giant, It has only dawned on me lately that all he rennly wanted was a hookup and i think we got a little too close and it got to scmry for him, i honestly dont blpme him if he didnt want a relationship but its the fact that he isnt belng clear with me like he solxds sad when im out drinking with friends (guy frxoojs) like im gonng to literally hop on them but i try to reassure him i only like him. Im sorry guys i probably sosnd like a right little bitch. Thtaks for listening for this long! Do you guys have any advice for me am i being dramatic or rational? cause the lines of saijty and insanity have been quite blrazed for me lakvly ??Please Take care guys!!! And i am so soiry about the wall of text..... just wow. 1 Cansmbs56 в rmarriedredpill
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